Solitude

I was talking to my mom on the other day this topic came to my mind. I remember the poem Solitary Reaper by William Wordsworth which i learnt in my 8th std i think. The poem goes like this.

Behold her, single in the field,
Yon solitary Highland Lass!
Reaping and singing by herself;
Stop here, or gently pass!
Alone she cuts and binds the grain,
And sings a melancholy strain;
O listen! for the Vale profound
Is overflowing with the sound.

I remember the days of our parents when they used to work, take care of us, manage to be in touch with relatives, go for vacation, do everything in life..I really don't know how they managed to do everything in life.Nowadays the kind of work we are in, we rarely find time to see each other in the family.And as most of the decent jobs are in cities like Chennai, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Delhi, Pune, Mumbai and the so, we live there like nomads.Its even worse for people who live in US.

Nowadays because of the software, today's youth has started earning more than what they should do before 22 years of age. Dads are so proud that they say "Your starting salary was the one i got when i retired". So they become independent and enjoy life as they wish. They do think about parents. But they can't find time inbetween their busy life.Their thought about parents ends with one phone call per day. I am also in the list.

My mom used to tell me almost everyday that she misses me and would like to see me.Now that i am at home , i feel lonely and have all the time in the world not knowing what to do. So i know how lonelisness can be painful and lead you to stress. My mom was also a working lady like me. She got her voluntary retirement long back. Now that both her children are not with her and she stays in the house with my dad , with all the time in the world and not knowing what to do, She waits for our calls everyday.Thats the only moment of the day she will be happy.And then 1 hour before and after that she thinks about the call.For cooking and other household chores she might need 2 hours. For talking to children one hour. Thinking abt it 2 hours.For sleeping to the max of 9 hours.She might watch TV for 3 hours.Still she is left out with 9 hours. I wanted to ask my mom what she would do in those hours. But i somehow feel afraid and guilty to ask that.

I was thinking about my granny who never lived with us tilll she died. The reason she says is " I feel like being tied up in a jail". My granny used to live in a village where people in the village whomsoever passes by the house stops by to ask how she is talks some sweet nothings.She had lot of friends there.Now i know why my granny never came and stayed with us. In my mother's case, there are no one to stop by like that .Loneliness is hell. And loneliness in old age is worse than hell.I used to tell my mom to come and stay with me.But she says she cannot be here with me after a certain time. She becomes restless after that.

She has to really wait for Diwali, Pongal, long weekends and something or the other reason for her kids to turn up. My mother used to tell me the story "Tresspassers are prohibited" when i go there. This is a difficult situation for both the children and the parents. These days i have started thinking what me and my husband are going to do when we become old.

Life is very unfair.Now that i have a kid i always admire him , love him , adore him etc etc. But i know this is going to be in one direction.I am not saying that my son will not love me.But when he grows up his focus will be more on his kids and family rather than me. Thats a bitter truth. When i realise this truth i am starting to appreciate my parents more. I start thinking how they would have loved me and adored me and what all they did for me.

Am going to call my mom.Catch u later ..Bye,....