A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for reviewing the prospects of long-term marital success.When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (in USA), it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.
Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.Let me say it again You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding & keeping a lifepartner.
QUESTION #1
Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat & jog together? You need to share something deeper & more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - & marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts & feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3
Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive person.How can you test?Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good & do the right thing."So ask about your significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth & people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION #4
How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves & self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat parents & siblings? Do they have gratitude & appreciation?If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who can't do nearly as much for them!Do they gossip & speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage .. for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult & treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head & less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
50 Interesting Facts
1 If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on your right side. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on your left side
2If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. For when a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
3Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
4Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is a thin film of bacteria on it.
5The Mercedes-Benz motto is 'Das Beste oder Nichts' meaning 'the best or nothing'.
6The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal.
7The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.
8 The average person who stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a night.
9Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
10The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
11Dalmatians are born without spots.
12Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
13The 'v' in the name of a court case does not stand for 'versus', but for 'and' (in civil proceedings) or 'against' (in criminal proceedings)
14Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have the buttons on the left
15The owl is the only bird to drop its upper eyelid to wink. All other birds raise their lower eyelids
16The reason honey is so easy to digest is that it's already been digested by a bee
17Roosters cannot crow if they cannot extend their necks
18The color blue has a calming effect. It causes the brain to release calming hormones
19Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die
20 Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart
21The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate
22When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red
23When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red
24 The first Harley Davidson motorcycle was built in 1903, and used a tomato can for a carburetor
25The lion that roars in the MGM logo is named Volney
26Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros
27Switching letters is called spoonerism. For example, saying jag of Flapan, instead of flag of Japan
28It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it
29The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what causes dimples
30 There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower
31The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting
32Human hair and fingernails continue to grow after death
33It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body
34The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets
35Most soccer players run 7 miles in a game
36The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air
37Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die
38In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch (and make it look like it is smiling).
39Colgate faced big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."
40The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning its head are the rabbit and the parrot
41Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair
42The average person laughs 13 times a day
43Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are:Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru(Speak no evil)
44Women blink nearly twice as much as men
45German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog
46Large kangaroos cover more than 30 feet with each jump
47Whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound
48Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death
49If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural cause.
50The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet!!
2If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. For when a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
3Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
4Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is a thin film of bacteria on it.
5The Mercedes-Benz motto is 'Das Beste oder Nichts' meaning 'the best or nothing'.
6The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal.
7The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.
8 The average person who stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a night.
9Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
10The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
11Dalmatians are born without spots.
12Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
13The 'v' in the name of a court case does not stand for 'versus', but for 'and' (in civil proceedings) or 'against' (in criminal proceedings)
14Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have the buttons on the left
15The owl is the only bird to drop its upper eyelid to wink. All other birds raise their lower eyelids
16The reason honey is so easy to digest is that it's already been digested by a bee
17Roosters cannot crow if they cannot extend their necks
18The color blue has a calming effect. It causes the brain to release calming hormones
19Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die
20 Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart
21The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate
22When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red
23When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red
24 The first Harley Davidson motorcycle was built in 1903, and used a tomato can for a carburetor
25The lion that roars in the MGM logo is named Volney
26Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros
27Switching letters is called spoonerism. For example, saying jag of Flapan, instead of flag of Japan
28It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it
29The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what causes dimples
30 There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower
31The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting
32Human hair and fingernails continue to grow after death
33It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body
34The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets
35Most soccer players run 7 miles in a game
36The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air
37Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die
38In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch (and make it look like it is smiling).
39Colgate faced big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."
40The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning its head are the rabbit and the parrot
41Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair
42The average person laughs 13 times a day
43Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are:Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru(Speak no evil)
44Women blink nearly twice as much as men
45German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog
46Large kangaroos cover more than 30 feet with each jump
47Whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound
48Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death
49If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural cause.
50The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet!!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
What does it cost?
A winter evening.
Four friends.
One barsaat.
Four glasses of chai.
Hundred bucks of gas.
A rusty old bike.
And an open road.
Maggi noodles.
A hostel room.
4.25 a.m.
3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 internet messenger.
Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Neighbours dropping in.
A party.
You and mom.
A summer night.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
Gossiping about absent family members.
You can spend hundreds on birthdays, thousands on festivals, lakhs on weddings, but to celebrate all you have to do is spend your Time.
Four friends.
One barsaat.
Four glasses of chai.
Hundred bucks of gas.
A rusty old bike.
And an open road.
Maggi noodles.
A hostel room.
4.25 a.m.
3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 internet messenger.
Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Neighbours dropping in.
A party.
You and mom.
A summer night.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
Gossiping about absent family members.
You can spend hundreds on birthdays, thousands on festivals, lakhs on weddings, but to celebrate all you have to do is spend your Time.
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